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EXPLORING ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

over 2 years ago

Many people have endured relationships that were/are abusive in nature.

Whether it be friends, family, or work related the sting of verbal and physical abuse is the perfect opportunity to take your power back & reclaim your authentic self.

The first step lies in identifying the abusive behavior.

Here are some warning signs:

1.Does the person alienate your from the outside world (ie: supportive friends & family) and insist that you only spend time with them?

2.Does the person physically attack you and blame you for their outbursts?

3.Does the person downplay your intelligence, physical appearance, or religious pursuits?

4.When you question the above mentioned behavior (#3) does the person insist that you are “too sensitive?”

5.Does the person label the physical and verbal attacks as “normal?”

6.Does the person drain your finances with their lavish spending and make no financial contribution to the household?

7.Does the person threaten you with more abuse/ending the relationship if you discuss the abusive behavior in public?

8.Does the person discourage therapy or other forms of healing/conseling to resolve the issues?

The bottom line is that once you recognize the abuse, staying in the relationship becomes a choice.

Regardless of who the person is, the abuse is not worth your happiness.

After years of suppressing the anger & rage I felt while living in a physically and verbally abusive relationship I finally chose to take my power back.

I confronted the person and asked them why they treated me that way. Their response was eye opening. Even as I gave them example after example of the abusive behavior they continued to downplay, deny, or excuse the way that they treated not only myself but countless others.

They explained that they had healed and moved past it, stating that they were a different person.

Intuitively, I sensed that this was untrue, they were indeed the same person, but opted to ignore their own poor behavior because it was too difficult to face what they had become.

They blamed parents, significant others, even children (for the abuse) and at the end of the day I went away feeling drained and tired.

I finally realized that I can no longer have this person in my life on any level.

They are still an abuser & until they come to terms with the whole truth they will live in a state of unrest.

The greatest advice I can give in instances like this is to leave. No matter who it is. It is not worth your happiness. Cut all ties if you must, but at the end of the day just do what feels right for you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Nicole Bowman is an artist, intuitive, and student of life. She gives intuitive readings for the soul, composes original music, and is the creator of books that bless.

She is also the host of Live the Light, a radio show about life, love, and living your bliss on the Blog Talk Radio Network.

To schedule an intuitive readingvisit:

www.bitwine.com

Clients who mention this article will receive $10 off their 30, 40, or 60 minute reading: 0 )

over 2 years ago

1-800-799-SAFE

On Top of the aforementioned behaviors – Does your Partner…

  • Continually criticize, shout at you or humiliate you?
  • Point a gun at you, keep you from working, take the car keys, control your money, make all your decisions?
  • Regularly threaten to leave or order you to leave?
  • Hurt your pets or destroy things that you care much about?
  • Destroy your property, punch holes in your walls, break appliances?
  • Threaten to harm you, your children or relatives if you don’t obey demands?
  • Demand sex after threats or beatings?

The Abuser May be from any rage, race, religion or background

Has a strong need for POWER and CONTROL

Is extremely jealous of partner’s outside interests

Holds rigid sex roles

Is usually male

The Victim

May be from any socio-economic level or educational background

Does not enjoy the abuse

Has very low self esteem

Gives up her rights

Is usually female

The Family Family violence affects all family members. It can involve abuse toward partners, children or the elderly.

The Children Children often develop destructive behaviors and attitudes as a result of domestic violence. Too often they become depressed or aggressive and develop low self-esteem. Teenagers are at high risk of abusing alcohol or drugs, becoming runaways and committing criminal acts. Children raised in violent homes “learn” that living in fear is normal, and that violence is an effective means of controlling others.

Why the victim stays

Feels she is responsible for the abuser’s behavior

Traditional values regarding marriage and family

Believes abuser’s threats

Is afraid and doesn’t know where to go

Has no financial support

Hopes he will change

The Phases of Abuse:

  • Tension Building – Abuser is very tense, verbal & sometimes minor physical abuse occurs. The Victim walks on eggshells.
  • Explosive Stage – The tensions become unbareable as the Abuser explodes. This is the stage when the worst abuse occurs and even death. Victim often covers up injuries. Must seek help.
  • The honeymoon Stage – Abuser is apoligetic, showers victim with gifts or special treatments and promises to never do it again. Victim wants to believe the abuser will change.

Please believe that things will only get worse. Each time the abuse becomes more and more harmful. There is not a point where the abuser will “Stop”. Your life and the lives of your children &/or animals are in danger of death.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

Safety Plan

If you have been battered, there are two things you can do - leave or stay.

Prepare to Leave

Gather important information: ID, insurance, birth certificate, registration, etc..
Set aside extra cash
Hide an extra set of car & house keys outside or at a neighbors house
Know where you can go and how to get there: CASA, family or friends
Store an extra bag of clothes, shoes and medication for you and your children
Work out a distress signal with your neighbors

After the Violence

Leave premises and take your kids with you

Go to the hospital if you have injuries. Tell them what happened

Report the incident to the police

Ask for a report and photos if possible

Call Domestic Hotline

Seek an Order of Protection. CASA can help you with this.

If you are being abused, remember:

You are not to blame for being battered or mistreated.

You are not the cause of your partner’s abusive behavior.

You deserve to be treated with respect.

You deserve a safe and happy life.

Your children deserve a safe and happy life.

You are not alone. There are people waiting to help.

~ There are private, nonprofit agencies Nation Wide who affirms the right of every person to live a life free of violence.

These organizations provide quality safety and shelter to battered women and their children; through crisis intervention and short term crisis therapeutics and to reduce the occurrence of violence against women and children.

They recognize that violence against women & children is a widespread and deep-seated societal problem. Constantly and actively advocate social change and educate the community about the impact of domestic & sexual violence. They support a coordinated community response to family violence, which holds abusers accountable.

Let them help you break the cycle of domestic violence by providing the tools which allow you to make positive choices and lead self-sufficient lives.

To learn more about specific services, follow the links above or, using a safe phone, call our 24-hour crisis line (United States Of America) 1-800-799-SAFE

See the List of Domestic Violent Murders Here: http://www.domesticviolencecrimewatch.com/

Your local Domestic Violence Help center can be located on this page: http://www.domesticviolencecrimewatch.com/resources

over 2 years ago

Exploring abusive relationships as it realtes to a psychic reading.

Clients who contacts psychics, involved in an abusive relationship, are reaching out to learn where they are in this space and time, and what it is they are learning from the situation.

A chat with a psychic is a step back, to see from another viewpoint what is going on. The true subject of pain is found in a psychic reading. Step 1.

A psychic reading can help people to connect to their true emotions and accept the reality of thier sitiuation and make a conscious decision based on fact and not emotion. A step back from the fear of loss and rejection. Step 2.

What is it that keeps people in abusive realtionships in? What is the block on progress from doubt to action? Step 3.

A psychic reading can help discern true internal desires to strike balance between what they want, what they need, and what they chose to accept as the most likely outcome to a real situation. Step 4.

Re-examining ones opinions takes a positive outlook and finding the stregnth within to do what is right and true based on a harmonious blend of fact and emotion. Human need drives us to seek out our needs and satisfy them. Readjust the rearview to see where we have been to discern we are headed now. Psychic vision. Step 5

One you look back, it gives you a grip on what happened and what direction you are heading in. Its time to pull over, stop and read the map. Psychics can help discover ways to find your own personal strengnth and light out of a dark situation. Step 6

Psychic Luminaries. Lights guiding a path out of darkness. Darkness being only confusion. The answers are already there. We, psychics are the antenae.

Fine tuning answers waiting to be heard.

about 1 year ago

It is too common that one who is being abused feels a sense of strong connection to their abuser. There has been a very strong bond created which is often a result of mental manipulation.

The feelings of no self worth, that one can not survive without their abuser, that they are “Needed” by the abuser, that they can “Help” the abuser to be a better person, that they have no where to go and no one to turn to even if they want to are realities. Some even fear for their lives, because their abuser has convinced them that should they leave death will ensue.

Most of the time you will feel as if you are to blame for the abusers abuse toward you. This is the mental conditioning of the abuser. The Abuser has told you how ‘You made me do this because…”. In reality you are not to blame. You do not deserve to be abused. You do not have to choose to stay.

More times than not the abused are embarrassed by the fact that they put themselves in a situation to be abused and do not want people to know, because all they want is a happy, normal, family life.

I am here to assure you that by staying you are more in danger than to get out and away.

You are NEVER alone! You are not the first person who has been abused on any level and you will not be the last.

No one ever need be embarrassed because someone else chooses to treat you like dirt. You are NOT in control of Anyone Else’s behaviors, moods, feeling or reactions. Only your own.

You Do Not Deserve to be abused for any reason! Call 1-800-799-SAFE in the USA for confidential help.

about 1 year ago

Hi Ladies I came across your article via the Bitwine Facebook page and click to read it.

Wonderful work ladies. Thanks for posting this because unfortunately there are still in people in absuive relationships but so often they blame themselves.

This gives them something to think about

All the best ESTHER